It’s not long now until the stockings are stuffed and cookies set out for Santa. It’s time for some decorating around here too.
Things are different this year. I’ve been so busy this fall creating and writing. At some points I’ve been overwhelmed by all I’m trying to do. There is never enough time to get all you want done.
That goes for all aspects of life, working, time with family and friends, time for creating. And most of all, as I am discovering, time to just be for a little while. This is the time to feel peace.
After all the rustling around, the shopping, the busy days, it gets harder, even impossible to turn off. We forget how. I certainly do. Sometimes I can’t sleep because of it. It’s not worry that keeps me awake, it’s being “on” for too long.
I’ve transitioned myself from an over-thinker to a do-er. It wasn’t easy, but it’s been worth it. I had to do a rework from the bottom of me on up. To discover what it is that makes me get stuck in thought.
The short answer is fear. Of many stripes, but mostly of my own unworthiness. This isn’t an easy thing to wipe away, and it’s a project of a lifetime. But I have learned to let that be, to not play around with it and instead take a step, any step. Even a 2-minute step.
So, my transition means I don’t sit around and think about things, I just look for one thing I can do right now, and I do it without too much hesitation or delay. It’s a big help, but there is a drawback.
I’m always on. I have trained myself to always ask what can I do next. What is the next step to take?
Now I need to learn to turn it off when it’s time for rest. I am returning to my roots for that and picking up cross stitch. The simple, repetitive stitches give the mind a chance to slow down and let thoughts flow in an un-directed meditation.
So, this Christmas, for me at least, the focus is not on parties or presents or the weather, but on the search for a few moments of stillness inside.